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| SU students waiting for Sister Souljah autographs: (l to r) Anna Trahan, Marissa Barnes, Robin Christmas, Carolyn Omar, and Tyese Thibodoux |
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| Anyea Coleman Vargas & Tiara Barnes with their "The Coldest Winter" books at Sister Souljah Lecture Series |
Last week I got attend the Sister Souljah Lecture Series at Southern University A&M College. I almost did not go because I was running late, but I am so glad that I did. I recommend it to everyone male and female,both young and old, and that is actually how the audience was to my surprise. I figure some students were there for extra credit, but I know everyone left with something!
Of course I missed the beginning of the lecture, so when I came in she was telling how males used to ask females on a date in old African tribes. The male would first introduce himself to the girl's father and state his name. His name would not only tell who he was but also who his family was, where he was from, and what they stood for, their beliefs and so on. If the father permitted, they could go on a date accompanied by a male member of the girl's family. She went on to say that we as young ladies today do not respect ourselves and are too self absorbed, idolizing the "dumb whores" and "pretty hairstyles." As college girls, we do not attempt to work together and empower our sisters. Instead, we look down on others. We pride ourselves on furthering our education as if we are better, all while closeting the secrets of our abortions, affairs with our soror's man, and STD's, while our university's infirmary is stocked with creams and ointments to clean our dirty p****** (her words not mine).
As an audience, we laughed, but everyone knew this was hitting close to home. Maybe it was not us exactly, but it was our girl sitting beside us. She went on to discuss relationships and how we as women are settling. That is where I was moved personally.
She told this story of how years ago one of her husband's friends came by their house. She named him Carl. Carl made it there about 4o'clock and messed around with her husband and his DJ equipment for a couple of hours. When she ( SS) finished cooking they came up from the basement and ate. Around 7:30, Carl said he had to go. When she asked why, Carl said he had his girl in the car. Mind you this had been about four hours! When she asked why he had not brought her in, he said he did not want her to see how Sister Souljah and her husband were living as a married couple and then start pressuring him about a ring. As she said he put it, he had "no intentions of marrying the b*tch!"
The analogy was some of us have been sitting in the car. Some of us having been sitting in the car for a while. Some of us sitting in the car and it's our own damn car! Some of us have been allowing this man to drive the car, knowing he has neither license nor insurance. We as women are settling to just have someone.
I loved this story but it made me feel uneasy, almost stupid. I began a relationship about a month and a half ago, and though I really wanted it to work, it was beginning to be more of a hassle than a pleasure. I have always prided myself on rather being alone than being in a relationship with stress and problems, but now all of my friends are in serious relationships, getting married, and having kids, and here I am a single mother of three, struggling to publish a magazine and going to school. A man seemed like the obvious solution to me, but this guy was not really a man. I guess he could be considered a womanizer. He actually would ask me to buy him things. IKR? I used to call my bestie like 'I am so lost', nevertheless I never bought him more than a Subway sandwich.
Anyway, when Sister Souljah was discussing this I began to think maybe I was in one of those situations. Of course, I did not want to believe that, but it just so happened, I saw my man just for the loser he was this past weekend. I was little hurt but the fact that I had already began to question how many times he had apologized in the last month and how easily he said it, along with the Sister Souljah's forewarning I handled it better than I normally would have. I still felt pretty stupid because I am like "I am a business woman. How do you get played by a ninja who has nothing of his own?" Yet the answer is easy. I had a mild case of selective vision. For a minute I only saw what I wanted to see. If I had not been trying to compare and evaluate myself to everything Sister Souljah was saying, I might still be sitting in the damn car!
Some people reading this may wonder, 'how did she go from one story to the next and what in the hell does any of this have to do with anything?' My point is Sister Souljah knows her stuff! She came to my school, and I was impressed and inspired, and then I realized the silly girl she was talking about was me! I screw up same as everyone else. I admit to mine publicly, whereas some may never 'fess up, but that MY swagher. Thank you Sister Souljah!
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| Cherish Hilton, Sister Souljah, and Devionne Wren |
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| Sister Souljah and I |
